July 29, 2009
Over the past few months I have witnessed a few couples getting divorced; I've known them for a long time, have attended their weddings maybe ten or so years ago. Why are we inclined to embrace the joyful, histrionic pace of a wedding, but turn our face away and point fingers when it comes to divorce or separation? Because of course, it is socially unacceptable, the more hypocritical the group, the less prone to overlook the slippery roads...
After my first divorce, for almost 2 years my parents concealed this from their relatives in the country. "They cannot understand this, it was different in their days".
Some poor movie had a line I randomly recall - a couple was on the verge of separation; wife says - Darling, I thought our love would last a lifetime. Husband: My dear, lifelong love was likely to exist when life expectancy was 35.
I enjoy my moments of freedom; I demand them and I eagerly wait for them. And I certainly don't mean time at the hairstylist or shopping, or meeting and gossiping with a girlfriend. I mean the moments when I am alone, daydreaming or walking, my cell phone is off, my laptop is off, tv is off, internet is off. I need to be able to reconsider decisions, remember little things long forgotten, or make secret plans. It's nothing serious, I mean, come on!! What can really be serious in a virtual world?? But the possibilities are countless, and that makes the escape worth every minute spent out of daily routine. The truth has many facets, we move back and forth between our identities, trying to align the double, triple, multiple truths to match our desires.
Hanging on or letting go? I can only hope life outside remains more varied than my own existence; thus, I'll keep feeling adequate and completely indifferent to other people's societal trials and tribulations.
Just like the sound coming from inside a cave; it turns and twirls, and in the end it's impossible to identify or represent its origin.